I need to lose 30 pounds in today
nicki minaj for next coven supreme
at a restaurant while u high like
"can i order this"
"would you like a soup or a salad?"
"WHATS A SUPER SALAD"
1. Stop faking your fucking orgasms. Society already tells young men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them know about it.
2. Once you’ve stopped faking your fucking orgasms, use this newfound honesty throughout the rest of your life - stop ordering coffee you don’t actually like; stop sitting at a desk and allowing people to treat you like shit in the hopes that a meek attitude will earn you a promotion (it won’t); stop telling people they can finish your food when you’re not actually done yet. These may seem petty, but they add up, just like every orgasm you didn’t actually get to have.
3. If you wanna dance all night, dance all fucking night. Dance all night even if you have work in the morning. The worst that will happen is you’ll drink RedBull all day and look like a zombie - pass it off as a head cold to the real zombies you work with and flick through the embarrassing photos you’re being tagged in as you pretend to take a shit for some peace and quiet. I promise, you’ll remember dancing all night in ten years, not the suspicious way your boss looked at you that morning.
4. If your ass looks big in that, that’s a good thing.
5. You will never be as young as you are this second. Embrace it.
6. Embrace the fact that you’re going to get older. Ask your boyfriend if he will still love you when you’re seventy and your tits are down to your knees. Look forward to this time - seventy year old women are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want, and no-one can stop them. You can carry candy in your bag and not share it with a single soul. You can stay home all day and cross-stitch expletives onto handkerchiefs for your grandchildren and slip them under the table out of sight of the people you raised. You can drink whisky at 10am. Every phase of your life is going to be amazing for different reasons. Embrace that.
7. A lot of people will pretend to love Bukowski. Don’t pretend to love Bukowski if you don’t love Bukowski. It’s overplayed and no-one will mind if you actually like Virginia Andrews instead - the people who do mind are boring.Some more little life lessons, by Daisy Lola. (via lamaladiedelafamille)
smack that ass from 8 feet away
today at school my little brother had an asthma attack and it was so bad that he was throwing up and some little shit came up to him while he was on the ground and said ‘this wouldn’t be happening to you if you weren’t so fat’ and LAUGHED AT HIM so my brother stood up and punched him in the fucking face while he was still having an asthma attack holy shit i have never been so proud
That’s probably why your moms mouth is so fresh
things i want to be
- really hot
- not poor
i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass
My cousin asked why I wasn’t eating turkey and I said I’m just not a big fan of turkey and he asked “what’re you, gay?” and I was like “well yeah but I don’t think that’s why I don’t like turkey” and that’s how I came out to my cousin, happy thanksgiving
when you’re talking to someone in class but only you get in trouble