svveetlemonade:

me doing math homework

genocidercyo:

clockey:

you’re the window to my wall

you’re the sweat that drips down my balls

whiskey-memories:

bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me

snowmiserr:

one time I was working at Dolly Parton’s water park as a photographer in the lazy river, and taking pictures and what not and I look up and see this very familiar black man floating in a tube toward me. 
and it is Akon.  So I’m like ‘hey Akon would you like a picture with your family today?’ He is all like ‘no thank you sweetie’ and I was all “well you have a good day, Akon” 
he said you too and floated on.  

nbcemployee:

the uglier the snapchat, the closer the friendship

sloth-grunge:

do you think if i die now i’ll have enough time to be reincarnated as kim kardashians baby

theifs:

my mating call 

rneerkat:

whens chip skylarks next tour

rabioheab:

ha ha look at that nerd he just peed his fucking pants

“sir that is a 2 month old baby”

slydigger:

ding dong my dick is long

nahthatsnotveryraven:

what kind of animal do i have to sacrifice to the makeup gods to be good at liquid eyeliner

• A compliment
• A story
• Why you follow me
• If you met me what would you do
• A cute message
• One thing you want to tell me
• One thing you want to know about me

akanedee:

if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence

the-fandoms-are-cool:

darrynek:

hey kid wanna see a magic trick *reaches behind your ear* ready? *rips your ear off* where’d it go

I’m so mad you didn’t say “where’d it van gogh?”